PARENTING & SPIRITUALITY
from our Sunday School Supervisor
Philomène Luyindula

Things to think about and questions – Brendan Keegan

1.    To what extent your role as parent is linked to your role as
spiritual/religious guide for your children

2.    Asking your children to pray/read the bible

3.    Have you tried to bring your children up as a particular kind of
Christian?

4.    When you discipline your children do you ever refer the bible to say why they should or shouldn't do a certain thing

Phil’s 2 cents worth

Aaah, cheating! Not writing my own bit but adding on what Brendan has said.

1. Primary care givers as spiritual guides for children?

Children learn from modelling on those they identify with and according to their age they might mimic the person they see the most (voice, gestures, words… prayers, reading the Bible & acting out the way the person behaves in a church service or one’s attitude toward the poor). Children will learn from those they trust and gradually they will learn from various adults including school teachers and extended family (until they start disregarding whatever adults say when puberty hits them J). What is important about the primary care givers being able to remember what they thought and felt at the age the child is as well as being able to answer the child’s religious questions or simply listen to him or her; is that it is now commonly accepted that the most significant moments/changes and memories happen through being in the life space environment of the child. So as much as therapy for example could be good for a child, it would be what how what happens at home and at school and how these things are dealt with that will ultimately bring stability, acceptance or healing. So in the same way the religious education of a child will not happen primarily through Sunday School and Youth but through the many religious thoughts and actions happening from Monday to Saturday.

2. Praying and reading

Some 3 to 6 year old children can have some really funny prayers that are so worth listening to, especially since they are often said so sincerely. Children as well as adults need to be taught how to pray. And an adult must always be aware of the level of development the child is at so if the child is going to keep repeating the same word/prayer, every day, every hour of the day and that is okay. And there might be some very active prayers and long lists of names of friends and of things done that are important to that child and if you don’t listen… well, Jesus is listening anyway. And it’s so much fun to read the Bible when the whole story is acted out. And it is so good to know that we have moved away from the times when children were though of as miniature adults – so they dressed the same as adults, they had to speak the same and they had to work the same too!

3. Bringing up children as particular types of Christians

I think that so many children at RUC have been brought up as caring and knowledgeable Christians. The children keep on demonstrating that they have integrated the most important elements of the faith and that it matters to them. During a Sunday School lesson about ‘wants and needs’, Hannah and Luka could circle each object on their sheets and write down names of people who would need those things. On that day one of them gave clothes and food to a homeless person (on the sheet) and it wasn’t a nameless person at all. They wrote the person’s name. Dillon could speak about not giving money to someone who drinks and said it was good to give money to the church. Many children had surprising wisdom when they shared on Good Friday stories of no-fighting back. It was a move from speaking about the school bullies to seeing those who had resolved a conflict non-violently as the hero/ines. And then I heard from Thato’s Mom that he gave her an update on my welfare after I had been sick… and then I saw Luca stand out of a game he likes because it was best to spend time with Lola who was crying at the time… and then Danielle and Charissa have always agreed to lead songs during the greeting ring… and Morcy and Anele often volunteer and are always helpful,…  and the most touching was Tyrone making a really moving speech for Anne and her daughters at their farewell. And there is much more to say about each child and hopefully I will have shared a little story of each All Star and each Extreme by the end of the year. And hopefully each carer will have started journaling the best about the children and teenagers in their care.  

4. Discipline from a Biblical perspective

A few years ago I went to a Christian conference about work with children at risk and when participants were asked about Bible verses referring to children I was amongst the shamed ones because I knew very few. We were given a long list and I still know very few because we were told very little about the context in which to read them. The one verse that stood out though - because it  was shouted out and written in bold by supposedly Christian schools who were lobbying for the return of corporal punishment (early 2000) was ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. In my Technikon Child and Youth Care 1 book it says: “the Biblical ‘rod’ was a small stick used for pointing to verses in the Old testament as these writings were considered to be too sacred to be touched. Therefore, ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’ actually means guide your children according to Biblical teachings so that they will be healthy citizens.”  And that explanation echoes so much within me especially since I struggle so much with the most conservative brands of Christianity that can so often damage and hurt people.

There isn’t much I can share about discipline since I have never had to parent any children for longer than 12 hours however I do suggest that each person tries applying natural consequences (e.g.: you haven’t done your homework so you miss your favourite TV programme while you do catching up) and repairing (eg: you’ve hurt someone, you now go put ointment on the person’s bruise) that need to be thought through and therefore prevents one from just snapping/shouting and hitting...

Brendan had written these 4 points around March as we were planning a mini-workshop for the Sunday School & youth parents and care-givers. I immediately liked these points as they put the children at the centre of our thinking and doing. Not only am I usually paid to do that myself and therefore I do my best to carry out this thinking and doing but I don’t think we could as Christians live in any over way. We as the Body of Christ are called to be a contrast community and I suppose our values and our commitment can so often be measured by what we do for the children close to us. Many people think that if one child has just one person who believes in him or her that can be enough for this child to have the necessary resilience to face obstacles and to want to grow up as a health adult.

And a last sobering though from Charkes L Whitfield - Healing the child within: “No one really knows how many people grow up with a healthy amount and quality of love, guidance and other nurturing. I estimate perhaps 5 to 20%. This means that from 80 to 95% of people did not receive the love,… necessary to form consistently healthy relationships, and to feel good about themselves and about what they do.”